The Skills of the Best Communicators
Good communication is different than being a good storyteller.
It's about listening more than you speak.
Four basic skills:
Idea 1:
Communication is much more than words:
Idea 2
How to be an effective listener
Idea 3: How you respond (passive constructive responding)
What they hear, not what you say. This one is tough because everyone has their own lens. And some people won't be ablt to hear you the way you intend, regardless your technique
Understand...
Communication is much more than words.
It's not just what you say, it's also how you say it: Thoughts and feelings come through, even when you choose your words closely.
All relationships will have challenges.
And they require work
Trust, respect, and emotional safety
insert video
example 1
Some people think to talk. Some people talk to think.
insert video
How to...
How to be an effective listener.
Listening skills
Super simple: Spend about five minutes writing them down.
Pick a time to do it, and leave a reminder.
Showing warmth and interest in your body language and voice
It's hard to fake, and why would you want to.
Remembering...
How you respond matters
Four common types of responses
Super simple: Spend about five minutes writing them down.
Pick a time to do it, and leave a reminder.
A better way to respond
Know when you're making an assumption and figure out if you should follow it
Say a friend is going through a tough breakup. Maybe not the right time to ask "how does that make you feel"
But if a friend gets a promotion, (back to promotion example from before)
Remembering...
What you say might not be what they hear.
Understand the filters that we put words through
Super simple: Spend about five minutes writing them down.
Pick a time to do it, and leave a reminder.
Five people
Five people could hear the same thing and have different interpretations
Graceful ways to understand what they understood.
Super simple: Spend about five minutes writing them down.
Pick a time to do it, and leave a reminder.
Resources and Citations
- "Four ways in which a person can respond to someone else when something happens, including good events such as a raise at work: (1) Active-constructive responding--an enthusiastic response: "That's great; I bet you'll receive many more raises."; (2) Active-destructive responding--a response that points out the potential downside: "Are they going to expect more of you now?"; (3) Passive constructive responding--a muted response: "That's nice dear."; Passive-destructive responding-- a response that conveys disinterest: "It rained all day here." ... Couples who use active-constructive responding have good marriages. The other responses, if they dominate are associated with marital dissatisfaction. Although this research has only been done in the context of marriage, it may well generalize to other relationships." Sadock, Benjamin J., et al. Kaplan and Sadock's Synopsis of Psychiatry: Behavioral Sciences/Clinical Psychiatry. United States, Wolters Kluwer Health, 2014.
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